Thursday, September 23, 2004

Fair Trade Coffee

Hello again!

Today, I'd like to raise our social consciences by discussing fair trade coffee. We here at the novitate drink FTC (snazzy acronym), and I'd like to give my review:

it tastes like my grandmother's basement smells.

It has a dank, musty body with hints of mildew and a smattering of PineSol.

In short, it's rather wretched.

I have a feeling that there is a colony of Colombians who are living in a lavish hacienda who are LAUGHING at the great charade of FTC. They say (in Spanish), "Holy Frijole, Senor! Those Americans are so stupid. We can sell them sheeeeet coffee and tell them that it's going to help poor people, and they'll buy it!"

My advice: Bring out the caffeine signal and bring back Juan Valdez. The fallen hero of morning pick-me-ups, I have faith that he will be the Messiah of the coffee industry who'll bring us good tasting, socially conscious coffee.

In this, I have my hope. To the heavens I turn my eyes and the prayers for this day of reckoning fall silently from my lips.

Ryan
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