Thursday, September 09, 2004

Answering Questions

Anne asked a very good question: what are my living arrangements like?

Let me tell you. I have my own room, also known as a CELL, where I have a bed, a desk, a sink, a cross, a bookshelf, my clothes, a nightstand, and two lamps. It's quite cozy - plenty of room for me and the ol'Holy Spirit.

I share a toilet and shower (bucket and hose) with another guy. He's nice, except that he's like an abominable snowman and sheds in the shower, so most mornings I wake up only to find his leavings in the drain-catch...so I collect each strand of fallen hair, dry it carefully, and apply a liberal dose of Elmer's Glue to it and affix it to my own head. It's not quite a weave, but I'm looking pretty stylish.

Now, we share one pair of underwear between us. I wear them on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and he has Tuesday, THursday, and Saturday. We wash them on Sunday. Supposedly good behavior merits us our own toothbrush AND two pairs of boxers. One can only hope.

Meals are wonderful. Tonight, we had "Chairman Meow" Stir-Fry. It's made of cats, which is no departure from traditional Chinese cuisine.

Sometimes, when I get really hungry, I eat paper. Stationary dyed with indigo has a light, piquant aftertaste to it. It's quite refreshing after a meal of gruel.

If you're taking any of this seriously, may God have mercy on your soul.

Regards,

Ryan

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ryan, if you need a few tooth brushes, perhaps some listerine I can probably provide them complements of UB "jewB", your old friend ~ phil

Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention we can trade oral hygine products for a few prayers because god knows us dental students need them

Anonymous said...

Living just like JEBUS wanted you to, right Ry?

Anne said...

I want to hear about the manual labor!
Did I tell you about my friend the roofer? You know, the one who plays guitar in Born in the Flood? I sent you the band link. All I can say is, 'Da-am'! Are you going to have a body like that from all your manualia (sp)?