Tuesday, June 26, 2007

More Fun at the Fair

As some of you know, if a person makes a complaint about something or someone at a feis, he or she is able to file a formal complaint with the feis.
Normally one writes out the infraction and then includes
some nominal fee say, for instance, $10.00.

Now in addition to the irate parent I highlighted in my last post, it has come to my attention that another complaint was filed. Apparently one of the dancers didn't care too particularly well for one of the tunes I played for him. His formal complaint is that I played a reel tainted with Scottish influence. As this is a competition for traditional Irish dancers, he has charged that I impeded his ability to execute his dainty steps by not playing fully traditional Irish music. You can see my accuser pictured here.

As I said, at a normal feis one would just submit a check and a written complaint and the complainer would feel like he/she had been listened to and the feis would be satisfied with an extra $10.00. Well, this feis is just a smidge different. I had to leave the feis early on Sunday in order to catch my flight back to Chicago. Since the charges were not leveled until after I left, this feis's mechanism of justice began to turn in my absence. In short, they hold a trial. We're talking an epic affair, a Scopes Monkey, Inherit the Wind, hey there get me Atticus Finch sort of affair. Adding enormous gravity to the event is that it is presided over by the queen of the feis. A former World Champion Irish dancer, the feis queen oversees the proper order and running of feiseanna. At our right you can see the Feis Queen as she prepares for the trial, arranging her rare Faux Pearls (Sadly, she thinks Faux is a region of France known for its fine pearl-producing oysters) as her loyal subjects cower before her refulgent splendor.

I digress.

Since I was not able to make it, the chairwoman of the feis was kind enough to assemble a crack legal team who would work at exonerating me. Sadly, Clarence Darrow and Johnny Cochran they are not:

So to make a long story short, the trial resulted in a guilty verdict. Now, if there is an upside to this verdict, it is that I have a choice in my sentence. I am either to enter into a six-year term of service on a spice trading ship OR I may accept one year of exile from the feis. I have duly accepted this latter option, accepting my exile to the Isle of Chicago where I will study German before returning to New York where I will resume the study of philosophy. Perhaps a year will give me time enough to consider the errors of my ways, a year before I will (hopefully, if asked back) play at the Feis at the Fair.


Karen said...

I can't believe I missed a chance to observe your trial. Perhaps I could have been a character witness. (Although I doubt they would have wanted to hear from a Scot on this matter.)

Sadly, I was here in L.A. wrestling with fictitious Jesuits.

Surely the irony of a member of the Rec Room being on trial elsewhere has not gone unnoticed...

So. Am I to understand that you have been shunned?

Ryan Duns, SJ said...

I stand with Charlie...I can do nothing more.

Anonymous said...

that was the driest bit of sarcasm i've seen in a while; well done.

refulgent? i had to look that one up;hmm, ok, so refulgence is to radiance, what lugubriousness is to mournful?

to bad you didnt get the Chewbacca Defence. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chewbacca_defense

Good luck next year.

Jim Bowman said...

Yes, hang in there, because every dog has his day.

Joe said...

I wish I'd been there as well, that way another flavor of Celt* would have been able to witness the Trial of the Century, perhaps lending a slightly different perspective.

But just look at the gift you have been given to exercise mercy, forbearance, and compassion. Normally, one has to scour madly for such an opportunity and here you can get it all done in one shot.



Gina Foster said...

Thanks ... I laughed so hard I almost started crying between this post and the last ... Strange my DD didn't see the humor (but then again she's only 16 and still doesn't laugh at Monty Python).

And trust me - some of the dancers stand (or is that treble) in awe of the talent of the musicians -- you control them.

Anonymous said...

A Jesuit blogging and posting on you-tube? Ryan, you're the future - doing more for your faith than they can know. Good luck to you, and let the conversation continue.