Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Class Mass

I still want to respond to an earlier question, but I wanted to say a few things about another issue first.

So I went to Mass at my elementary alma mater this morning. To be wholly truthful, it is a bloody wonder that the majority of these children aren't atheists after such a liturgy.

First off, the music. Sung by a cantor at a pitch easily eight octaves higher than 99.9% of human can reach, the notes of the hymns were totally inaccessible. Then again, even if the songs had been sung at any pace other than a funeral dirge, I don't know that I'd have been able to sing - the songs were the most deranged settings of the Mass parts that I've ever heard. As a professional musician and a (VERY) regular Mass attendee (try every day) I think I have a good sense of music...but this was just ridiculous.

Directly behind me there were a group of children (I believe a parent was with them) who had something of the "Old Country Buffet" operating on their pew. In the space of a 50-minute Eucharist, they went through several courses of food ranging from Ziplock-sealed cereals to pretzels to some sort of gummy fruit snack that smelled like cherries mingled with scorched rubber. While the rest of us were praying, they were milling about re-enacting various scenes from "Lawrence of Arabia" and "Harry Potter." Okay, that's hyperbole.

After communion, several classes ascended the altar and were led in a meandering rendition of Dona Nobis Pacem sung about 100 beats too slow and 100% off key. Then we applauded them.

Ryan-the-curmudgeon: cute does not good liturgy make. I'm firmly of the school that if you can't do something well, don't do it at all. Especially the liturgy. I was really distracted throughout the entire Eucharistic celebration.

I'm sure it's tinted by nostalgia, but I remember our school Masses being great events. We ALL sang loudly (granted, we were given reprieve from homework assignments if we achieved full and active participation) and we all knew the songs. The songs were selected especially for us and were the melodies that we could both grasp and enter into. Today's hymns were more appropriate for the Mass celebrated at "Sunny Acres Retirement Home" where short-term memory is the rule and hearing aide batteries fill bowls instead of M&M's.

So that's my morning rant. I haven't yet had a delicious Enstein's coffee (I'm heading out now for it) which definitely impacts my mood. But I thought I'd share my post-Mass musings for your consideration...or entertainment...or mortification.

6 comments:

Colin Maxwell said...

Your tin whistling is better than your theology! :-)

But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God; (Hebrews 10:12)

Unknown said...

Well, not to sound overly snarky, but your comment makes no sense. I've not idea what you are referencing or what your biblical quote intends to communicate.

I'm glad you like the whistle, though!

Steve Bogner said...

I didn't go to a Catholic school, but I attend Mass with my kids now and then at their school. Fortunately, it's a fairly standard, well-done children's liturgy (which is just a bit different). When I experience or hear of bad liturgies, it makes me question the priorities of whoever is leading the particular group. Worship ought to be one of the very top priorities of any church/school community - and that means having good liturgists, musicians and homilists around.

Anonymous said...

Uh, something very common also in Italy, but … I’m not sure that nothing is really better than something.
I don’t like old-style church songs, but sometimes these are the only ones that the player or the people knows.
I like to think these are fruits of the effort of some good-guy that *every* Sunday spent his time to make something for the community, even if it sound as a scratch on a blackboard!
Other very important poin: where are the skilled players ? Maybe they think that dealing with church songs is waste of time …
Anyway I have a dream: Lunasa that plays tin whistle in my church !!!

Anonymous said...

I always do like a good dose of sarcasm & snark early in the morning ... So thanks for helping me start my day off right.

Hope you're enjoying your time in Cleveland.

Michelle said...

Sounds like a Mass without class, alas. I feel your pain...I have sat through some truly awful liturgies, and find it hard to pray them rather than critique them.

Good liturgists, musicians and homilists are hard to find. I'm lucky to be in a parish where we have long had all three. I spend a fair amount of time on the road and often suffer similarly. The Mass of many homilies in Dallas takes the cake (I left as the fourth started after the final blessing...but before Missa est was delcared, something I never do!)

Flute playing priest finds YouTube fame