Ahhh, so THAT'S a Teddy?

Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Call me benighted, but I always thought a "teddy" was something worn by amorous newlyweds and J Edgar Hoover. Miley's outfit...well, I reckon this wholly redefines the genre.

I'm forced to wonder if this is a case of art imitating life or life imitating art.

In either case, both are pretty nasty.

As someone who considers himself to have a slightly better-than-average sense of the aesthetic, I'll be candid in saying that the entire display made no sense to me. I just didn't get the dancing bears. Perhaps I taught special needs children and have the "Teddy Bear Picnic" song too engrained in my musical marrow.

If nothing else, last night's dancing display does provide something of a public service announcement to parents. When I would prefect high school dances, we did enforce a "No Twerk" policy. Students were given a warning and then, if they were approached again, they'd lose their student ID's. Inappropriate dancing by our students earned them a detention (JUG); the girls' ID's were returned to their school's administration with a letter explaining why the ID had been taken.

From: The Sun UK

On many occasions, parents would be irate that we had and enforced a dancing policy. I honestly don't think they had any idea what "twerking" or "throwing twerk" looked like. So thank you, Miley, because parents all over now have a sense of what their daughters look like the moment before we take your student ID.

This photo is no exaggeration of how many girls look at dances. The "twerk" position calls for the girl to grasp either her knees or the floor. It seems to be an autonomic reaction for the tongue to come lolling out of the mouth, as seen to the left. The only difference is that Robin Thicke is focused upon his microphone. Very often, the boys receiving the "thrown twerk" have an equally lolled out tongue.

Granted, our also-bemoaned dress code prevented students from coming in this state of undress. Nevertheless, this is the type of dancing we took exception with. Call us prude, or puritanical, but as a guy with younger sisters I think this type of dancing may be better suited to clubs where you pay-by-dance with singles rather than a high school gymnasium.

Some may question whether this is a topic appropriate for blogging about. I don't much care for the salacious pictures, but I figure if a public figure puts herself out there is such a garish fashion it demands discussion.

Call the Catholic Church a fusty remnant, but when we advocate for the dignity of the human person and the human body, at least you know that our system of values precludes Robin Thicke from using Miley as a cat-scratch post at an awards show. And though it should be mentioned, I simply can't dissect the whole usage of the foam finger.

So, there you have my Monday Moaning (pun wholly intended). If any good comes from this - scant good to match the scant clothes - it may be to give an immortalized picture of what this sort of dancing is not so that we become more repressive as a culture but to help us realize how silly it looks.